Whatever will be will be

I have always wanted a destiny. As a little girl I wanted that destiny was to be a princess, as an older child that morphed into a ballerina because that was the closest to a princess a girl could get. When that died, my destiny search became the bane of my existence. I searched for it, and searched for it, to no avail. That gave way to a need for a family, a husband and children. Now, looking back on those desires I realized it was just giving up on my desires for a destiny. I may sound crazy. In fact in reading this back to myself, I think it’s a large possibility, but that doesn’t change my desire for it. Thinking about a definition of “destiny” the Christian version pops up in my mind. “My destiny is to glorify Christ”. This is ultimately true. So much so that I can lay my head on my pillow at night knowing that if I seek to glorify Him I will have accomplished my destiny. Sometimes I fail at that destiny and sometimes I happily succeed. But apart from that destiny, am I wrong to want more? It’s not selfish like it was as a child to be a princess or a ballerina, but it’s not normal like a wife and mother either. Some people relish in those things. Janet and my niece Naomi are like that. All it takes is a look in Janet eyes even doing something a simple as kissing my brother or Joslyn to know that Janet has found her destiny and all it takes is the happiness Naomi has watching her children play to know she has found her destiny. I want that. I feel wrong for needing that. I feel wrong for desiring something more extravagant.